Well, that is it guys, that is all - five minutes in and I'm bored again

I need to learn to be comfortable being alone.


My twin just left, and I'm alone again.  Something has died inside of me.  I feel like a mad woman, talking to the cat.  I don't know what to do with myself.

I find that I rely too much on others to help me define myself.  I know that I'm loud and crazy.  Do I really need someone to be there to see it?  I know that I like to talk to other people, new people, random people.... but do I need someone there to support me?

I'm at a stand still.

I've seriously been contemplating leaving everything behind, and starting over somewhere else.  I love the desert.  I love Phoenix.  I love the weather.  But, I need something more.  I need the ocean.  I need the beach.  I need hippies.  I need a tan.  I need shenanigans. 

I need a friend.

What do I stand for?  What do I want from life?

I stand for those who cannot stand for themselves.  I want to live life to the fullest.  

So why am I so scared?

Why can't I do all that I want to do?  Why can't I be like Brandon, and just follow my dreams?  Why can't I be charming like Evan?  Why can't I be mysterious like Joe?  Why can't I be silly like Bert?  Why can't I be as courageous as Sara? 

I need to figure myself out.  I need to rely on my friends to help me through this.  I need to call someone.

-R.