Remember me when you're out walking, when snow falls high outside your door, late at night when you're not sleeping and moonlight falls across your floor... when I can't hurt you anymore...

This, too, shall pass...

I'm having a rough day today... holy shit.  It's quarter to midnight, and it just continues to get worse and worse.  And I know a lot of it is because I keep thinking... subconsciously.

Today would have been my dear friend Amber's 24th birthday.  We lost her almost 2 years ago to brain cancer.  And I miss her dearly... every day...

It's like, when you're having a really shitty day, and you had that one person that you could rely on to make the world seem just a little brighter?  That was AmHo. She was so full of life and love.  She was truly, honestly, one of the best friends I could've ever asked for.  She was like a sister.  And I never got to say goodbye.  I never was able to tell her exactly what she meant to me.  I know that she knew, but it's just so hard to let that go.  I should've been there for her.  And I wasn't.

On top of this, I had to break the trust of one of the girls at work, and make a mandated report.  And she is now furious with me. 

And if that wasn't enough... as I'm writing this, the song that was played at my friend Brad's funeral just came on, and now I've burst into tears. 

I think I need to go home... to New York... for a visit.  I need to see friends and family.  I need to feel that energy from them.  I just need a chance to reset.

I'm getting to the point in my life when the monotony starts to take hold.  I want a new job.  I want to move away from this city.  I want out. 

I've got a gypsy soul and a hippie mindset.

Tell someone you love them, for you never know when it will be the last chance to.

-R.

 

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet, did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day, and head back to the Milky Way?

True success is about satisfying your spirit with spirit things.

 I was reading Karen Salmonsohn's book How to be Happy, Dammit! and life lesson #40 had that line in it.  And it just jumped off the page at me.  I've been so wrapped up in my life, trying to find a new job that paid me more money, so that I could be more, ahem, successful in my life....

Boy am I wrong!

It's not the money that makes a person happy.  I go shopping constantly, trying to get something new that helps me feel happy... and I'm like a child.  I play with it once or twice, and never touch it again.  Eff!!!!! 

I spent last Monday doing things that I enjoyed by myself... for FREE!  I went geocaching, and finally found one that's been bothering me for a while now.  I drove with the windows rolled down, the music cranked up, belting out the lyrics at the top of my lungs.  And I felt so refreshed! 

Last weekend was the best weekend I've had in a really long time.  I spent time at a friend's house, chatting with people that I never really get to talk to intimately, and played Apples to Apples!  I went to the salon and got a haircut after a year of not having one!  I picked up some sale items at Hobby Lobby for my smash book.  I met some new people at Barnes & Noble, and found a great connection with them.

Life is good!  I am satisfying my spirit with spirit things.  Instead of spending money, and trying to fill the void with material things, I am working on being the best person that I can possibly be.  I am doing what I need.  I am spending time alone, and loving every minute of it.  I'm not giving a damn about what people think.  I could care less.  I'm happy.  For the first time in... a really long time... Like since I was a kid. 

I am truly, honestly, ecstatically happy.

And I don't give a damn :)

Do something that satisfies your spirit without spending a dime.

-R.