I wish I could be just a little less dramatic, like a Kennedy when Camelot went down in flames...

I'm not the girl that got away, but the girl you failed to keep. 


Hello followers and friends!




I know it's been a while, and while I would like to apologize, I'm not going to.  You see, I went through a dark time.  It took me a while to get through it, but I think I have finally come out for the better.

Before I get into the details of everything, I want to put this disclaimer out there.... yes, I will admit that I though about hurting myself during this rough time.  BUT I DID NOT!  Self-harm is never an option, nor is suicide.  I would have never hurt myself.  I know that people would be disappointed in me. 




Ok, now down to the nitty gritty deets....

So, I've been in a depression for a while.  It got so bad that I ended up not going to work a couple times.  Simply because I couldn't get out of bed.  I was suffering from insomnia, and couldn't seem to fall asleep.  Once I managed to, I couldn't get myself out of bed.

I reached out for help.  I went to my doctor, who recommended a couple of therapists.  (I have yet to find one I like, but whatever.  I can do this.)  I turned to friends and family for help.  And then, by the grace of a higher power....

I discovered that my ex was now in a relationship.  With a very attractive girl.  And he tells her all the same things he used to say to me. 

So had a five minute melt-down after this, because, well.... let's be honest.  No one likes being the miserable one while their ex is loving their life.  I cried.  I yelled.  I called my momma. 

And then I did the bravest thing I have ever done.... I cleaned out anything and everything that reminded me of him.  Presents, collectibles, a friggin' digital photo frame!  I got rid of it.  AND.... I even placed my wedding dress on eBay.  Without the tears!

Holy crap I feel so liberated!  I finally feel happy.  I've started dating again.  Nothing serious, but everything in due time.

So with this post, may you find your strength to find your happiness.  And if you're struggling, please reach out to someone you love. 

And always know, dear readers, that I love each and everyone one of you, and am truly blessed to share this experience with you.



-R.

For I must be traveling on now, 'cause there's too many places I've gotta see.

Before I start off this post, I would like to send out prayers and wishes for safety to everyone affected by Hurricane Sandy. My twin has been stuck here with me for the last couple of days, because she cannot fly into LaGuardia to get home. The pictures alone are enough to make me cringe. Just know that the rest of the country is thinking about you, and wishing for your safety.



We must take adventures in order to know where we truly belong.


As promised....

The trip that saved my life!

 

 

We started from Phoenix, drove 313 miles northwest to Las Vegas, stayed the night, drove 178 miles to Twentynine Palms, visited a good friend of mine, drove 161 miles to Pacific Beach, stayed the night, played in the ocean, and then drove 353 miles back to Phoenix.  Three days.  1,005 miles.  And not a single regret about it. 

 

Because of this trip, I have no money, may lose my apartment, and will more than likely have everything shut off.... but I have begun to find myself again.  And to me, that's more important.

 

Spending nine days with the two best people that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing has certainly brought things back into perspective.  I was loud.  I was courageous.  I had fun.  I smiled. A LOT!  I remembered what it was like to be happy.  I gained my confidence back.

 

I don't expect a lot of people to understand how a three day road trip can bring out your true self.  You wanna know how?  Jump in your car, turn up the radio, roll down the windows (if possible), and just drive.  Drive to a place you've never been.  Experience it.  Run barefoot on the beach.  Get knocked down by waves.  Flirt with the early morning surfers.  Talk to strangers.  Visit the beachside stores.  Stay in a little known inn.  Make friends with the locals.  Talk about the "What ifs" (Sara, that's for you).  Laugh.  Cry.  Feel lonely.  Feel excited.  Be in the moment.  Don't think about later, tomorrow, next month, two years.  Just be in the now.  Experience life.  Understand how you feel in that moment, and go with it.  Allow yourself to experience those emotions, good or bad.  Work through them, or let the ocean carry them away.  Laugh at yourself.  Pretend to be a rockstar.  Almost run out of gas.  Make Border Patrol suspicious.  Race the truck next to you, with the guy who can't stop staring.  And when you get back, enjoy yourself.  Get dressed up.  Go out.  Get drunk.  Meet new people.  Grab butts (ahem Sara).  Talk with your waitress.  Tell everyone your life story.  Just not give a fuck.

 

This is what this trip has taught me.  Life is too short to worry about things that won't matter years from now.  So what if I can't maintain my apartment?  I can always find another one.  So what if I'm constantly broke?  It's only money.  What really matters is being you, in this moment, enjoying yourself.  If you can't do that, then I feel sorry for you.

 

I don't expect everyone to get what I'm saying.  Have your heart broken, follow my advice, and then check back in.  You'd be surprised how well I get it.  It's taken me three months, but I'm finally on the way to achieving my dreams.  To becoming myself.  Or a better me. 

 

I think I shall go where the wind takes me.

 

 

-R.

 

I'm about to show you just how missing me feels, in my red high heels.

I will not let you destroy me.

Sara got in last night. And up until this moment, I have been okay. I'm not thinking about you and all the troubles I've had because of our split.  I'm not throwing myslelf a pity party because we were supposed to have forever next week. Nope. For once, all is right in the world.

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This week is all about the girls.  Reconnecting with old friends, making new ones, bringing out my ridiculousness.  Bringing me back.

I will keep all of my readers updated with the shenanigans that ensue due to this trip.  You will laugh, you might cry, but you and I will walk away better people.  Stronger people.  You may find out that I am not who you thought I was.  You may find that you want to be my best friend.  Either way, you will learn during this adventure.


To start things off, here's the beginning of the newest chapter.





-R.