I wish I could be just a little less dramatic, like a Kennedy when Camelot went down in flames...

I'm not the girl that got away, but the girl you failed to keep. 


Hello followers and friends!




I know it's been a while, and while I would like to apologize, I'm not going to.  You see, I went through a dark time.  It took me a while to get through it, but I think I have finally come out for the better.

Before I get into the details of everything, I want to put this disclaimer out there.... yes, I will admit that I though about hurting myself during this rough time.  BUT I DID NOT!  Self-harm is never an option, nor is suicide.  I would have never hurt myself.  I know that people would be disappointed in me. 




Ok, now down to the nitty gritty deets....

So, I've been in a depression for a while.  It got so bad that I ended up not going to work a couple times.  Simply because I couldn't get out of bed.  I was suffering from insomnia, and couldn't seem to fall asleep.  Once I managed to, I couldn't get myself out of bed.

I reached out for help.  I went to my doctor, who recommended a couple of therapists.  (I have yet to find one I like, but whatever.  I can do this.)  I turned to friends and family for help.  And then, by the grace of a higher power....

I discovered that my ex was now in a relationship.  With a very attractive girl.  And he tells her all the same things he used to say to me. 

So had a five minute melt-down after this, because, well.... let's be honest.  No one likes being the miserable one while their ex is loving their life.  I cried.  I yelled.  I called my momma. 

And then I did the bravest thing I have ever done.... I cleaned out anything and everything that reminded me of him.  Presents, collectibles, a friggin' digital photo frame!  I got rid of it.  AND.... I even placed my wedding dress on eBay.  Without the tears!

Holy crap I feel so liberated!  I finally feel happy.  I've started dating again.  Nothing serious, but everything in due time.

So with this post, may you find your strength to find your happiness.  And if you're struggling, please reach out to someone you love. 

And always know, dear readers, that I love each and everyone one of you, and am truly blessed to share this experience with you.



-R.

But I Was Scared to Death by Eternity...

And I've become content with this life that I lead
Where I drink too much, and don't believe in much of anything
And I lie to myself
And say it was for the best
--Straylight Run


I'm extra lonely tonight.  Once again, I had to get rid of toxic people, and this time it was my roommates.  Don't want to help with bills, find someone else to mooch off of.  I am very proud of myself for being able to stand up to them.  I feel like this is a step in the right direction.

I've started to open myself up more.  I went out with someone over the weekend.  Met at Jerry's (yum!), and stayed for 4 hours.  Didn't get home until 3:30am.  It was a fun time.  But I fear that I will once again try and attach myself to him, and I don't want to do that.  It's not fair for either of us.

So that's the update.  For those who care.

My best friends are coming out this weekend.  We're going on a roadtrip.  It's going to be the most adventurous thing I have ever done!  1000 miles, three days.  I finally get to cross some stuff off my bucket list, which is pretty exciting.

I feel that I'm getting into diary writing, so this is my clue to sign off.

-R.

One last thing....