Life sure has been crazy lately.
I've been struggling for a while now, trying to figure out what I can do to make me happy, and it seems like no matter what I do, I just can't get there. (For those just joining us, you can read the details here.)
Well, I started doing my own thing.... I started spending 15-20 minutes in the morning, while drinking my coffee, to work out. Nothing too major, just something small to make me feel awesome. Here's what I've been doing:
(thanks to the lovelies at downtownn.tumblr.com for this fabulous workout plan!)
So every morning, I get up, I find my day, and I work out. I also add in some other things (like toning the guns), just for schnitz and giggles. (5 points to the house that can figure out that reference [10 points to the house that can figure out that reference]). Nothing major.... just something to help me out. And never mind those skinny chicks in the image.... replace them with your own motivation. Mine tends to be something like this:
(That's me on the right.... sixth grade... lowest weight ever.... walked 4 miles a day...)
Granted, I know I will probably never get to that weight again in my life, but I would like to see that thin face again, and the tiny arms, and that collar bone...
And I think I will succeed this time.....
Because for the first time in four years, I don't give a fuck. Let me repeat that... I. Don't. Give. A. Fuck. Period. End of story.
For the first time in four years (since I left my hometown to set off on my own adventure), I honestly don't care what others think. I don't care if you think I'm fat, or perfect the way I am. I don't care if you like me better as a brunette than a blond. I don't care if you think that outfit looks horrendous on me. I am who I am. Your approval is not needed.
This time around, it's about making me better. I watched several adults play sports with some kids today at work, and I realized I wanted to be that staff. I wanted to be the one who can go play soccer with the best of them, and not feel like passing out after 2.3 seconds. I also want to run. I see people running all the time in my neighborhood, and I think, I want to do that. I want to be the person, sweat dripping down my face, in a sports bra, all toned, earbuds in, running through the neighborhood. I want to walk up a flight of stairs and not feel my heart beating in my head. I want to be healthy. I don't want to just survive......
I WANT TO LIVE.
So here it is folks. This is where I end this story and begin a new one. I will keep this blog open for a little bit, and will reference back once the new one is up and running. Thank you to all my loyal readers. You have no idea how much you have pushed me to become something truly incredible.
I want you to live. Get off your computer/phone/tablet/etc. Go outside and look at the stars. Don't think about anything. Just look and listen. Mother Earth calls to you. Will you answer?
Don't just survive.... live.
Much love.
-R.
