Who will save your souls if you won't save your own?

I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.

I've been in a really dark space the last couple of days.  I've been inside my head too much.  And I can't seem to shake it.  I've tried everything that normally works for me, and yet, I still feel like a worthless piece of shit.

Friday was the worst.  Friday, I didn't want to get out of bed.  I forced myself to.  I forced myself to go to work.  I forced myself to sit in front of my computer, and did completely nothing.  I made it look like I was working on things, but in actuality, I was too busy trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me.

Even as I sit here writing this post, I feel miserable.  I have so much to be happy for, but I can't seem to get myself into that happy space.  I want to be happy.  I hate feeling this way.  It's like something in my head has gone completely haywire, and I even though I know how to fix it, I can't seem to find the one wire I need to make it better.

I have a feeling it is because I'm doing things I shouldn't be doing... I'm looking for things that I don't need right now in my life.  Maybe that is why I'm so completely miserable.  I reactivated my profile on a dating website again.... and that seems to be when this miserable feeling started. 

Holy shit.

Even as I write about it, it's like the universe is telling me to deactivate it.  I never thought that would have been the cause.  Thanks dear readers.  I know you had nothing to do with this, but since I feel that I need to write for you, maybe you did have an effect on me.

I just deactivated it.  I feel like something has been lifted.  Who knew that I would be so in tune with the universe that this action would help.  Strange.  Something is planned for me.  I know it.  Time to look into it.

If anyone knows of any scholarship programs that will allow me to travel the world for research, can someone please let me know?  I think I want to study other cultures for my doctoral thesis.

And for the first time in a few days, there's a smile on my face.


Slow down everyone.  You're moving too fast.

-R.

I want something else to get me through this semi-charmed kinda life

 

Sometimes it takes a good fall to really know where you stand.  --Hayley Williams


As I was sitting here, pondering over another glass of wine, and trying to figure out a way to clear out my sinuses, it dawned on me.... I need to create a goals list.  Why?  Well..... why not!?  I'm single, I have time to do things, I'm broke (so no chances of going out anywhere)...

Let's do this!

 

Yeah... I went there.

 

 

 

Ok.... Let's see.

 

1. Graduate with my doctorate degree.

2. Lose 100 pounds.  (Side note: I know that seems like a lot, but since everything has happened, I've hit my all-time highest weight of.... 240 pounds.... yikes)

3. Get fit and healthy.

4. Learn to decorate cakes.  Duff style.

5. Sell my artwork.

6. Learn spanish.

7. Meditate.

8. Start a five year plan for my career.

9. Go somewhere I've never been.

10. Visit New York in 2013.

 

 

Here.  Ten goals.  Sounds reasonable right?  I like it.  Any you would like me to accomplish?  I'm always open for suggestions! 

 

I think I'm going to drift off into art world for a little bit.  It's not goodbye, it's see you later, man.

 

 

-R.