I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.
I've been in a really dark space the last couple of days. I've been inside my head too much. And I can't seem to shake it. I've tried everything that normally works for me, and yet, I still feel like a worthless piece of shit.
Friday was the worst. Friday, I didn't want to get out of bed. I forced myself to. I forced myself to go to work. I forced myself to sit in front of my computer, and did completely nothing. I made it look like I was working on things, but in actuality, I was too busy trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me.
Even as I sit here writing this post, I feel miserable. I have so much to be happy for, but I can't seem to get myself into that happy space. I want to be happy. I hate feeling this way. It's like something in my head has gone completely haywire, and I even though I know how to fix it, I can't seem to find the one wire I need to make it better.
I have a feeling it is because I'm doing things I shouldn't be doing... I'm looking for things that I don't need right now in my life. Maybe that is why I'm so completely miserable. I reactivated my profile on a dating website again.... and that seems to be when this miserable feeling started.
Holy shit.
Even as I write about it, it's like the universe is telling me to deactivate it. I never thought that would have been the cause. Thanks dear readers. I know you had nothing to do with this, but since I feel that I need to write for you, maybe you did have an effect on me.
I just deactivated it. I feel like something has been lifted. Who knew that I would be so in tune with the universe that this action would help. Strange. Something is planned for me. I know it. Time to look into it.
If anyone knows of any scholarship programs that will allow me to travel the world for research, can someone please let me know? I think I want to study other cultures for my doctoral thesis.
And for the first time in a few days, there's a smile on my face.
Slow down everyone. You're moving too fast.
-R.
Your Welcome :)
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